I'm spending my last day of 2009...

by taking care of my dog. I let June out last night and she ate rat poison, lots of it. The pest controller came yesterday and put up these pesticides and rodenticides. I didn't know, so I let her out. We're not too sure if she did eat them or maybe she just hid them in her little treasure holes. My brother was the one that saw her chewing on some dark red tablets. If she can eat rat poison, why can't she eat veges?? Seriously!

So, I gave her a shower in the bathroom this morning to get rid of the clumps of shit stuck to her hair. Then, we brought her to the vet. I couldn't hold her because I had a traumatic experience when I was 10 years old. It was raining heavily and I, being the little brat I am...went and pat her head. She instantly took a bite at me. It didn't hurt much but it bled and after that, I would not hold her anymore.

The vet took her temperature from her butt and took a blood sample from her paw. She wouldn't let the vet touch her much so we had to resolve to a muzzler. It was so sad to see her tearing up and trying to escape. The vet told us that she might have breast cancer. Just when we thought our problems are solved, another came up. We have to observe her and check for lumps.

She's just like any dog, excited and happy during the car ride. We even opened the window to let the wind blow through her hair. I thought she was gonna come out and terrorize the whole KL city when we let her out at the pet store. I prayed that no one will come and pat her head or play with her. Surprisingly, she was pretty calm and okay with it. Just a bit curious here and there. I think she just needs freedom to cure her violence. I blame myself for not training her and letting her out more often.

We were given meds to feed her with. First was the charcoal tablets, which I had to resolve to crushing and cooking it with meatballs. I was afraid she won't eat it, so I put in a lot of garlic, pepper and dried basil. My brother scold me for cooking it because it might not work as well after cooking. He kept saying how June won't see year 2010 and if she dies, it's my fault. Even my mum was like, let's give June away, I'll but you a new dog. But I don't wanna! I want June! She's my first pet.

I still remember when we got her 10 years ago. I was dragging around this toy dog, thinking it's real. My brother and sister were laughing at me. Dad saw us and he flipped through the Yellow Pages to find a dog for us. As little kids exposed to a lot of Disney, we naturally wanted a dalmatian. But dalmatians aren't easy to take care of. So, dad found this owner that wanted to sell off a few of his dog's pups. My memory of it was that the road was called 'Jalan Ayer Panas' and there were a lot of pups, June's siblings...all inside this really long cage. Most of the pups had red eyebags, June was the only one without. But now, after not taking good care of her, she developed her own eyebags. So, we took June home in a paper box lined with newspapers. She wouldn't stop shitting in the car and it smelled like milk. When we arrived home, she kept barking in that screechy tone. She was so tiny and followed us wherever we went. Sigh...if only we took better care of her and trained her.

My hope for next year is that June would be alright.

Breaking News!

Crashed Jazzy yesterday. When I drove out of HELP, cars are supposed to wait at the side before heading to the main road. I couldn't see the cars speeding on the right side. When I saw them, I braked immediately and the cab behind me crashed into Jazzy. It felt like when a roller coaster picks up speed except that this is in one jerky shot. I prayed that this would be okay.

Pressed on the emergency button and got down the car. The guy got down too and we were inspecting the damage. His cab just lost the 'H' on the number plate. Jazzy? Not that bad...but I still feel the pain. I've heard a lot of stories from my mum and sister about them getting into accidents and how they deal with the other person. But at that moment, I really don't know what to say. So, I asked him "So how? Are you going to pay me?" Straightforward and to the point. He looked like he was thinking deeply and didn't answer me at first. Then he said, "50 can or not?" In shock, I replied, "Are you serious? Look at this, (pointing to the sensor) this is obviously gone! (I remembered about how my sister crashed at the same spot and apparently car sensors are very sensitive)" He looked pretty frustrated then he asked me again, this time in Cantonese, "50 can or not?" Then I finally understood that he didn't understand a single thing I said from the beginning. Right, from then onwards, I talked with him in Cantonese. Bless my grandma's soul for teaching me Cantonese.

The cab passenger got down and asked if he should get another cab while we deal with this. I think he's American and was dressed rather professionally. I was half hoping that he was rushing in time, so he would pay me instead and in large amounts too. Yeah, that didn't happen. The cabbie in desperation asked me to follow him to KL Sentral while he dropped his customer off. I agreed and got back in the car. The whole trip there, I was so afraid that he would trick me and speed off. I jot down his car plate number and handphone number.

The passenger gave me a meaningful look when he was dropped off. The look kinda says, "Poor you" or it could mean "Poor me" Anyway, the cabbie signaled me to follow him. We parked at the side of the road and continue dealing with it. To cut things short, he called his sister and she gave me directions to go to this car workshop all the way in Damansara Utama. I had no idea where it was. I only knew how to go to Eastin Hotel. Beyond that, it's slightly blurry but bless Carmen's soul for bringing me to her house in Tropicana a couple of times.

Yeah, like my usual self, I got lost a couple of times. I crashed at 4.30pm, Left KL Sentral at 5.30pm and arrived at the destination at 6.50pm. To spare you the pain, I will only say that there was a lot of calling for directions, getting honked at and traffic jam. Called my brother to inform him about this. He scolded me, saying how unlucky I am. Then I said I'll call him back later.

The person at the workshop gave me directions to this other workshop which I was supposed to arrive at 6pm. He clearly asked me to wait at the first Shell station I see. I gave him my number and he said he'll call me. So, I waited there...for an hour. I told myself that I was gonna call back the cabbie's sister to reconfirm to which I later learn her name was Shereen but I saved her number as 'Sista'. I waited for 30 minutes and I still hadn't called, maybe I was afraid of interrupting her and I tried to convince myself that they'll call me soon enough. Soon, images of them tricking me to come all the way to Damansara so they can run off, came into my head. Then I persuaded myself that if it was like that, then they wouldn't have went through the hassle at all. Shereen called me, asking if I have transport home. I said I'm still waiting at the Shell station. She was shocked and told me that she'll call the workshop people to ask. Called me back later to tell me that it was a miscommunication. They thought that I was going to go there on another day...but what other day? Yeah, I don't know. I didn't even have the workshop's number. I prayed in the car that this whole thing will just end. I will be healthy again, everything will be okay. I told God that I'm tired and can't take this anymore. He heard me.

So, Shereen sent a guy to guide me back to the first workshop so they can keep my car and fix it tomorrow. It was 8.30pm, I was sick with cough, flu and just recovered from fever yesterday. I was waiting for Shereen to send me to 1 Utama where my brother's waiting for me. Everytime I cough, I feel my left lung is going to collapse. Worst cough ever. It didn't help that when I was having fever yesterday, I still went to college because my lecturer won't let me go home.

Anyhow, I tried imagining how Shereen actually looks like through all that phone calls. I imagined her to be motherly and slightly plump. Not stereotyping here, but plump ladies give me this happy, protective, motherly image. I was right. She kinda looks like Lillian Too. With the finely plucked eyebrows and Chinese look. I got into her Altis and she was listening to Fly fm. Woah!

I called my brother to pick me up to which he was kinda reluctant so, I offered to take the train home. He came to pick me up anyway. Hah! I know he's a loving brother behind that thick computer-player shell.

During the whole ride, Shereen was lecturing me like a mother. She said I shouldn't trust people so easily that I'm lucky to have met people like them. Next time when I meet with an accident again (touch wood), I should call for help from family members or friends, preferably male. I shouldn't put my car overnight at some unknown car workshop with some unknown people who just crashed my car. There are a lot of dangerous cases in newspapers these days. I shouldn't put my laptop in the car, should take it everywhere I go. She asked about my name, where I study, how old I am, where do I live..we had a nice little talk.

While waiting for my brother to come, we waited at her sister in-law's shop and I felt as though she just let me into her life. She's a nice lady, no doubt. I think she was nice to me because she has a daughter which surprisingly studies at HELP too. I felt like helping them in the shop but I know that they'll just refuse.

My brother came and she sent me to meet him so at least my brother knows that he can trust them. The trip home was quiet but nice. When I told my brother the whole thing, I laughed at his comment when I mentioned about how Shereen lectured me. He said, "Oh! She's a lecturer?"

I had a long, long day. I skipped the Thanksgiving dinner because I was sick and needed rest so I left college at 4.30pm. In the end, I was still sick but didn't get any rest till 10pm. Things life throws at you is amazing. Maybe this is God teaching me not to trust people so easily. I'm just thankful that the car that crashed into mine belongs to a nice person. How great is it that all this happened during Thanksgiving? I guess we can always find something to be thankful for even through bad times.

My paranoid self

First of all, I scratched Jazzy. I'm so sorry, to whoever that feels the pain. It's a funny story, really.

As it is every single day, HELP parking lot is full of cars, double-parked and all. But I reached at 2pm (Again & Again~), when there are available parking spots but there are double-parked cars that came earlier, blocking the road.

When I was turning the corner to find a parking spot, I was in a hurry so I drove right between these two double-parked cars. One was this Kelisa with someone inside. It kinda was my fault because I think he was trying to drive past me but I drove through. But then again, it was a one way street. Mind you, I was going the right way.

So, I scratched this Proton Iswara on my left side that has no one in it. At first I didn't realize until the car began to screech and the Proton began to shake a little. I was paranoid...so I just drove front to end the pain. I did what any 18 year old with a P license would do, I sped away.

I found a parking spot, quickly ran down to check on the damage, all the time praying it's not bad. It was pretty bad...in my opinion. There's two really bad long scratches and a small dent (barely recognizable from a distance).

I felt so bad that I instantly called my mum to confess. She wasn't even paying attention, telling me "Yeah, I know...kakak told me you left the fried rice at home." (Like I would call her to tell her that!) Then I kept repeating over and over again, "I scratched the car..!" She asked me, "Har? How come? Is it bad? How much is the person asking for?" The instant when I said, "No...it's a parked car...no one was inside." she calmed down and replied, "Oh..then ok lah. Come back only talk lah."

I had my persuasive speech that day and couldn't concentrate during Moral class either. The whole scene kept repeating in my head all the time. I was going crazy until my friends started to verbally slap me across the face. Okay, I was pretty paranoid about the whole thing. It's not like I've never scratched a car before, but this was the worst case.

Anyway, public speaking lecturer pretty moody because we weren't prepared for speech but on the bright side, I presented and although it wasn't my best, I got okay marks. I really don't care..as long as I can go back to rest.

Then today, I've got a pretty bad case of coughing. I kept saying that I have TB, lung infection, asthma...all that. My friends had to verbally slap me again but the coughing didn't get any better. The bak kut teh I had for dinner didn't help either. I have SOS (Special Occasion Speech or as my friend would say, Suck Our Souls) for Public Speaking

tomorrow. Tomorrow is also the day that we have been preparing for 12 weeks now...Science Fair. Now, I didn't put any hope on winning with our common project but at least get good marks for our course le. Gonna do a lot of talking tomorrow.

Sigh..lots of driving to do these days. Don't really like driving people around no more. But then, it saves petrol. Hmm...gonna pray some more!! Aja~!

My Saskwatch Hair (before combing)

5 hours

Hee...getting the hype for posting. Hopefully it'll last.

Gahh!! I want my Hong Kong Wantan Mee~!

Supposed to go to Macau and HK with parents next week. Because of the Science Fair, I can't bring myself to go.

Tuesdays is the most boring of days for me. I come to college at 8am then go back at 5.30 pm for only two classes with 5 hours break in between. What do I do? Assignments...they never end.

Wanted to go home for lunch considering that I'm broke. But no...I had to join the Peer Mentoring Program and meet every alternate Tuesdays. It's fun to let go of my stress sometimes. But it's tiring too...I don't like the fact that they treat us like patients.

Hey! You know what? I signed up to be a mentor, not a mentee. I thought it'll be fun~ Getting a junior to bully around. It's all just a facade. Telling us that we'll be mentoring people when in fact they're recruiting guinea pigs for their graduate studies.

Should've seen that coming...

Where's my brain gone to..?

Ahh...I'm so forgetful these days. Just this afternoon after class, I went to Midvalley/Gardens with Sinyi and Ronnie. I forgot where I parked. We had to pace from one end of the mall to the other until my brain comes back. Luckily I parked at Gardens. Just imagine what would've happened if it was Midvalley or worse...1 Utama.

It happened again when I took a shower. You see...when I shower, I have these steps that I follow;

1. Shampoo hair

2. Body shower

3. Wash away soap

4. Condition hair

5. Wash face

6. Wash hair

By the time I reached step 4, I was thinking, "Did I wash use the body shower already?"

Ooo...It's my sister, Alex's and KYeng's birthday today. Was racking my brains on what to get for Alex. It's between an electric guitar and a sweater. Dad said no need to get anything because we're gonna visit her soon. Got something for KYeng though. If you're reading this right now, I hope you like itt~!

Just some random thoughts:

1. The weather right now is horrible! I hate the cold. Almost every single person I tell this to disagrees with me. They say it's a nice weather to sleep in. Well, I think warm weathers are nicer to sleep in. Like an egg incubator...all nice and warm and fuzzy. Heee...just thinking about it makes me wanna sleep. Who's with me in this?? Goooo...Camp Incubator!!

2. I hate blow drying my hair...and if you know me well, you would know that I sometimes wish to shave my head bald and just wear wigs for the rest of my life.

3. When I have time, I'm gonna talk to every single person that's online on MSN. Some friends, I just don't know where I picked up from....Gunbound? Habbo? Maple Story?

4. I don't like how Singaporeans and Malaysian have been competing with each other for decades. Who has the best popiah, otak-otak...all that stuff. Who cares!? As long as we get to eat them...

5. Ohhh yeaahhh....I'm following item #1 on my list pretty well. This is post #2 of this week. Booyah!

SUJU Banzai~!

Boom Baby!

Hah! I'm back! I killed my blog and resurrected it from the death! Hopefully I can update once a week from now onwards. Even when I'm super tired, I'm gonna at least post up a few photos like a photo diary. This is so typical me...committing to new things then give up halfway. I'm gonna change that!! Lord, help me...

Was it Enough?

Will I see granny in heaven? I know I will see her again...but will we spend our days together with God? Did she really accept Christ? Did I do enough for her?

This morning I woke up with Muse's Starlight playing. Replied Sue's message and went to the loo. I saw my parents' bedroom door open. That's weird...Dad said he will only go out at 12pm today. What's weirder is that my mum who usually wakes up at 9am is not in bed. Even my maid's not at home. I have a bad feeling.

Called my mum. She said nonchalantly, "Passed away already..." I knew it was coming. Just thinking about it I thought I will cry my heart out. I didn't. I just crawled back into bed and cried a little. I can't help wondering if she really did accept Christ in her heart. I texted my sister about it and tried sleeping again. She called me an hour later, asking about the funeral date. She asked me to go to YAflame blog to read her post.

I wonder if my sister and I are the only ones who care about Granny's death. Maybe not. Mum was acting pretty nasty today. She snapped at me because of simple matters. Dad was pretty cool about it. To the extent of calling my grandma's death a migration when announcing it to our relatives. He was sitting on the chair beside me just now...staring into space. For that 5 minutes, he actually seemed like a little boy, wondering where his mummy is.

I was looking at some photos just now..when I was a little baby. I was really close to granny. I took a lot of photos with her. I will always remember the things she always told me...the legacy she left for her family.

I did it

Yesterday, I didn't visit my grandma. I was at the zoo whole day, letting out all my worries by laughing. I was probably at my craziest yesterday for a some time. My friends most likely thought I was okay. Maybe I was okay. That whole day, I just put aside my problems and focused on working with the animals. When I came back, my maid told me grandma's condition has worsen. The doctor's giving her 3-4 days more to live. I didn't know what to say. I just told my mum we're going to visit her tomorrow. In my mind, I just told myself it's time to just tell her the truth before it's too late. I slept like a log...resting without a care in the world.

This morning, I told God that I'll fast and pray today...to show my faith. I wanted to fast before but it was hard without letting anyone know. Went on a Milo and water only diet whole day until dinner time. After that, I went for the Peer Mentoring Training Program. Couldn't find a parking spot and all...too much frustration for a Saturday morning. I just kept telling myself that I should be good to others, then maybe grandma would feel better.

I came back and slept some more. Woke up and went to the hospital alone. Maybe it was God's plan...it was time for the real thing. After rehearsing the gospel in Cantonese last night, I told it to my grandma. She couldn't speak, you see. So, every time I told her something, she just groaned or frowned. I kept repeating to her that "You must believe that Jesus is God!!" She tried talking but I don't understand. I told her that I may not understand what she's saying, but God does. I didn't know what more to do...so I just repeated John 3:16 in Cantonese and read the Bible to her in English. Suddenly, I remembered about how the disciples spoke in tongues which only God knows how to interpret but surprisingly, each person in the crowd around them heard their own language being spoken. So, I just spoke in tongues, hoping she can understand and God too, can speak to her.

Going through this, I sometimes wished that the whole world would just stop. Because she's in pain, I feel as if I shouldn't be happy. I feel like everyone should just stop and look around them. I know it's wrong for me to hope for that. Just grab every chance you have, you don't know when's the last chance you'll ever get. Like what a someone great once said, "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today."

Guilt

So much have happened. I might be facing yet another funeral. It's just that this time, I would really cry for a long time. She was like a mother to me in so many ways. My biological mum worked to feed us while she stayed at home to take care of us. We had lots of fun, from doing homework together and cooking to taking long afternoon naps. I loved those moments together. Then I got older and somehow distanced myself from her. I had other stuffs to do that seemed more important at that time. Now that I look back, it's not worth sacrificing all the precious time we could've shared.

She was always there, in her room resting. I had so many chances to talk to her about the gospel. Her health got worse, my mum had to send her to the nursing home because we each had something to do. When we visited her, she always wanted to go home, saying how she feels more comfortable at home. She was right, staying at the nursing home with no one to talk to really brings a new definition to boredom. I told myself that I would visit her more often, now that it's so critical. Something always come into the picture, holding me back.

You know, I've always had this dream that my whole family would stand by my side, worshipping the Lord with me. We would speak in tongues together and the Lord would smile at us. I would always experience indescribable joy just by imagining it. It's time for me to grow up. For three years, I learned so much about Christianity...watched brothers and sisters in Christ around me building bridges to Him while I'm still reading the "Dummies Guide to Bridge Construction". I always hid under my sister's shadow. Watch her fight our wars. She sharpened my blade, strapped me with the best shields. I just let them rust over at the corner of my mind. It's time to stand at the front lines now.

The devil knows what buttons to push to make me doubt God's power. Everyone says it's not my fault. I know it's not my fault and yet whenever I think about it, it makes me cry and fear for the worst. You know how we always hear people tell us not to make promises we can't keep? Well, I heard it from God Himself. I know of it and try to keep that rule in mind all the time. It's just on that very day, I forgot about it entirely. I held her hand and told her that I'll be back that night to keep her company. I didn't keep that promise. She looked forward to seeing me and I didn't come. The next morning she was admitted into the hospital because of a stroke. According to my mum, she told the doctor that we don't want her no more, that we dumped her at the nursing home. I wanted to go to her, to say I'm sorry. In my mind I always thought I had more time. That it's okay to go tomorrow. I'm going to see her tomorrow but would she really be there?

She always had a bad impression on my sister. I was always the 'good one' that got influenced by my sister to go into Christianity, which to her, is bad. If only she knew of the truth. So many of my relatives died not knowing God. Now, one of my closest family members is about to go. Now, I will fight. Fight for the soul of my loved ones. I will no longer be a parasite. Pray for me...

Scary~

People, be careful in the internet world! There are creepy people out there. Just today some guy stalked me on MSN. I think he got my e-mail address from blogger or some other social network I joined. Oh yeah, that reminds me, don't join unnecessary social networks that you don't use at all. It's useless and dangerous. People can use your details and stalk your friends too!

Okay, so yeah, this guy got me on MSN and started chatting with me. I asked him where he got my e-mail address. He said he don't know. How can you not know where you get the e-mail addresses you add on MSN? I thought, it's alright to make new friends. Then he asked me how old am I and I was married and all that crap. I just answered to be friendly. Then he asked to add me on Facebook. So yeah, this is where it gets stalkerish.

He asked for my id. I said, just search for my e-mail address on Fb. Maybe he don't get it but he said he didn't have time to search. I told him I don't know what is my MSN id because I thought the e-mail is the id. He said I was lying in a lame jokey kinda way. Then I offered to add him. He gave me his 'id', which is the e-mail. I snapped at him saying that my id is the e-mail!! He finally got it. Sent me a request. Told me on MSN that he wants to know how I look like and how many friends I have. Which is not normal. Go see a trained professional, dude! (Okay, I just realized I'm training to be a psychologist. What if he comes to see me for psychological help!?)

Yeah, then I just told him if he's looking for a relationship, I'm not interested. He got it and all but I think he secretly wants a relationship. I honestly told him that he's making me uncomfortable with all his weird questions. He was like, "no, never!" My last words to him were, "I hope you have a happy life." Then I blocked him.

Just to be safe, I googled my name, my e-mail address and my mobile number to see if there are websites that he can get access to my private info. That's when I got to know that Friendster deleted my account. Considering I didn't sign in for almost a year now. That's beside the point. The point of me writing this post is to warn all of you the dangers of putting your private info on the net. And don't chat with strangers! I'm such a hypocrite here because I'm hooked on Omegle now. But you don't have to get an account on Omegle, so it's safe as long as you don't reveal any important info to the stranger. Yeah, and I realized he might know my blogger account and it's here that I have a lot of links to my friends. Be careful you guys and seriously, don't get too friendly with strangers. Just to be safe, his e-mail address is mausam_******@hotmail.com (Yeah, I don't wanna ruin his image on the internet). He's human too. Just ask me lah, if you think your stranger has a familiar e-mail address with this one.

I've never felt so alone before...

In my 18 years of life, I've never felt so alone before. In fact, I loved being left alone most of the time. Maybe it's because I'm in between so many things and people right now, I don't really have a fixed group of people that I always hang around. There is always the awkward moment. I hate introducing myself to new people and having to get through that (which I'm still trying to) to become great friends. Or maybe it's because of what my sister has with Jessica that I feel I should have too.

I don't have that one person on earth that I can turn to every single time I have something to share. God says to love your neighbours as you love yourself. I'm trying my best to do that but I wonder if others around me are. It's sad but sometimes I imagine myself in a situation where my friends have to choose between myself and my other friends. Who would they pick? Most of the time it won't be me. It's like in school where we have to pick people to join our group project. I'm the one that got left out and the teacher has to stuff me somewhere else.

I'm not someone that stands out in the crowd, but a person that tries to hide away from attention most of the time. I want a friend that I can depend on every single time. Who won't bail out when I need him/her the most. Who understands me when I don't have to say a word at all. One that I know will always care for me. That won't judge me in what I do. Basically, what Jesus is to me. A mentor and a friend. It's hard to find one but I pray that God will grant me this wish.

Sometimes I think my family members are here for that but because they have to. Most of the time I put my friends first before my family but where does that get me? I don't know. People always want something from other people. That's how the world teaches us to survive. This post may have hurt my friends but please, don't feel that way. Because I still love you guys no matter what and I'll be there when you need me. I just hope that sometimes you can do the same for me too.

I'm gonna be Moses

Well, she's finally gone

She taught me to love Coldplay

Called me a fatty and a dummy

Which is party true

She influenced every part of my life

How my favorite color is purple

How I like watching people cook

How I speak and write

Lots of people were there at the airport

I can't help but wonder

If I will have that many people sending me off when I go

Church friends praying with me

Friends hugging and crying with me

Family that just stands there waiting for me when I need them

I still couldn't believe she's gone

That's probably why I didn't cry while sending her off

I cried in the car though

Thinking how I'd be the only Christian in the family

Who would be with me through all my father's objections now?

I won't feel bad not doing my devotionals daily now

I know that's not a good thing

She introduced me to my life

All of it God's great plan

I am envious of what she have with Jessica

I want someone I can tell everything to

Apart from God, that is

Having a human friend on earth is just different

I do have friends...just not ones that I feel understand me

I wonder how it feels...to open up to someone

Letting someone know everything little detail of my life

No boundaries, just bridges

That's why I'm gonna take my chance in everything

I'm gonna have better fellowship

Yesterday's me is gone

I surrendered my life to God

He's gonna live my life now

And I know God wants a united body of Christ

So, I'm gonne be Moses

I have to do God's will and trust in Him

I lost my Aaron

She's my mentor

My friend

My sister

But I'm gonna live on

Knowing she's in a better place now

Going after what she's supposed to do

See you next year, 언니!!

Leeteuk Sim

I know I haven't been updating for a very long time. Here are some brief updates:

1) Turned 18 and my wish was to be able to walk again.

2) Am able to walk again but not much bending.

3) Rewatching FRIENDS (seriously, to those who haven't watched i

t yet, you don't know what you're missing).

4) Oh and yeah, Super Junior's coming to Malaysia. At least, that's what Leeteuk said in the Super Show 2 press conference.

5) I'm learning Korean. So far, I know how to introduce myself and say goodbye. Korean is easy to write but hard to pronounce. But it's fun, to learn a new language.

6) And this post is actually to introduce you guys to my new friend, Leeteuk Sim!!

When I first created him, he didn't look much alike Leeteuk. But slowly, he does look a teeny bit like him. I couldn't get the hair right, though. The Sims 3 only offers a limited array of hairstyles. Creating his eyes and mouth was a pain!! I wonder how will the real Leeteuk react to his Sim character when he sees it.

KYAAA!!! MY TEUKIE~

If you haven't heard about it already, my handphone got snatched today. I was on the train going back with a few friends. As usual, the train was packed because of rush hour. When I finally got in with some pushing and squirming, I felt my pockets and it was empty. I thought, maybe it's hidden in my bag or something, but no. I asked Kexin to call my phone and she got through, someone answered but then hung up. Then she tried again but it was switched off.

I knew this day will come...surprisingly, I didn't freak out. Just a little heartache because now my new teukie keychain, my sim card contacts and all my songs and pictures inside are gone. AND TODAY! OF ALL DAYS HE/SHE HAVE TO SNATCH IT TODAY! HEECHULIE'S BIRTHDAY TODAY SHOULD BE GOOD DAY!!

Honestly, if I know who stole it, I will jump on him/her and snatch my phone back. I won't curse or say anything....I'll just snatch it back and leave. My mum and brother didn't make things better either. When I called my mum to tell her about this, she just nagged me about not taking care of my phone and how my pockets were not deep enough. When I came home, I thought I can at least get some sympathy from my brother...but no! He had to rub salt, pepper and cili padi into my wound. He said (In Cantonese); "Hah! You deserved it. Who ask you to wear pants like that!? Those pockets are not deep enough." Oh..my heart!! My Teukie~

Adventure

I'm getting sick these days. Had the flu, then sprained my leg, then got a jab for Hepatitis A and now...getting a headache from God know's what. It might have been the infection in my pierced ear that got my equilibrium all off. It's been almost two months since I've pierced my ears and it's not getting any better. I'm giving up on it...just gonna take it out and let it heal. I'm keeping my ears, thank you very much.

Yeah, maybe this is a way my body and God is trying to tell me to surrender and let it all go. All my worries and pain, just throw it away. I'm considering on going on a long trip. Like when I have my month long holiday next month, I might go on a trip somewhere quiet and just be on my own and relax. I don't wanna go some touristy place, just me, the sun and the beach. No phones, no internet, no connection to the world. I think if I get too used to that life, I wouldn't wanna come back anymore. I feel like just wandering around the world with the clothes on my back and just face each day as it is. No strings attached. God will provide for me. It's like being a disciple of God. I just do what He asks me to do. No more struggling to get an A or getting a job or getting married or having kids. Just God and myself.

p.s: Getting tired of worldy things; money, celebrities...

p.p.s: I hope I grow up fast, then I can go on a trip by myself.

God is good

Warning: This post may very well be the longest I've ever written. So, seat back, relax, grab a snack and read on~

I DID IT!

Where do I begin? Well, it took me about 6 months to get my driving license. From the five hours seminar to my practical test this afternoon. It's approximately 6 months.

We promised each other, a promise never kept. We started together, took our first steps in driving. We meet at a junction. There were two ways, one to the left, another to the right. They speed ahead. I went to the right, alone, or so I thought. In the darkness, I was weighed down by my ego. I fell down twice and was laughed at. How stupid can I be? He held out His hand to me but I pushed it away.

I was tired, tired of falling down. When they tell me that I failed, my heart fell down. I kept thinking, "It's okay to fail, I still have another chance." But no, it's not okay. We do not settle for mediocrity!! I hoped, for someone to save me. It felt like someone pushed me into the deeper end of the pool and I was drowning but no one came to lift me up. And then He came... He fished me up. He says, "Nothing is impossible with me. I fed five thousand people, walked on water, drove out demons, died and rose again. Why do you worry? Do not worry about tomorrow as I am always with you." All at once, everything was clear to me. I only asked once, for He said, "Ask and you shall receive."

It was definitely a miracle. I was waiting for my turn to drive this afternoon. I was number one on the list, scary, but I had to face it anyway. I kept replaying how I would drive later, how I failed twice before this. Thoughts of bribing and of failing kept coming into my head. Voices telling me to just bribe, because if I failed again, it would be an embarrasment and it would be torture to dissapoint my parents and go through this all over again. But I kept rebuking these thoughts in the name of Jesus. I brought my Bible and read to myself the word of God and sang praises to Him. Finally, it was my turn;

Instructor: See Tho Wai Siong.

Me: (waving my hands) Ya.

Ins: (talking with another guy) Mana orang Cina itu? Saya suruh dia baiki itu air-cond satu jam lepas. Mana kereta itu sekarang?

Guy: (calling the 'orang cina') Mana kereta itu? Omar nak cakap dengan awak. Datang sekarang.

OC: (smiles) Ah...saya letak kereta itu di sana....(mumbles)

Ins: Saya tadi pukul satu suruh awak baiki itu air-con, sekarang dah pukul dua, masih belum siap! Awak selalu pergi main-main saja! Awak tak baiki itu air-con saya akan mati dalam kereta!

OC: (persuading)

Ins: Saya tak nak test dah! Awak pergi ambilkan kereta untuk saya!

Me: (mouth open "What about me?? I'm doomed!!")

Ins: (smoking cigarette)

Me: (singing in my heart 'How Great is Our God' "As cheesy as this is, it is the only thing that I can do to calm down my nerves.")

OC: (drove a new car down)

Ins: Ini kereta siapa? You main ambik saja ke!?

OC: Ahh...ambil dulu la..

Ins: Pergi tanya dulu siapa punya kereta.

-After going into the office for a while-

Ins: (waving at me to come)

Me: (get everything ready...last minute, forgot to put on the seatbelt)

Ins: Pakai seatbelt dulu

Me: Ahm....(put on seatbelt)

Ins: Ah Moi, dah boleh jalan

-Arrive at the junction, behind the white line-

Ins: Jalan...cepat sikit.

Me: Ahh? Bukan kena stop dan brek sebelum garisan putih ke?

Ins: Takpe, takpe..jalan saje.

Me: Ahh...okay.

Ins: Cepat-cepat sikit. You superman ma! Kena pergi cepat-cepat (singing superman theme song) ("LOL! I was wearing my Superman shirt. Thought it will give me confidence.")

Me: (laughs) Ah...kenapa dah tukar masa ujian kepada tengahari ah? Sebelum ni kan masa pagi?

Ins: Ya ke? Awak dari pagi tunggu sampai sekarang ke?

Me: Ahh? Tak la...instructor saya dah inform. Saya tanya saja.

Ins: Office nak tukar.

Me: Em...

Ins: Pergi sebelah kanan sikit. Tekan minyak banyak banyak.

Me: Ahh? Tapi instructor ajar saya turun bukit kena tekan brek.

Ins: Nanti you dah pass, masih dengar cakap instructor ke?

Me: Ahh..tak. (laughs)

Ins: Ah...tak payah stop, terus saja! Ahh...U-turn kat sini, signal dulu. Cepat-cepat pusing, tekan minyak sikit. ("practically teaching me how to drive")

Me: (just followed him)

Ins: Ah...susur saja. Tekan minyak lagi.

Me: Ahh...okay. ("very unsure, might trick me and fail me")

Ins: Kenapa? Pergi cepat-cepat takut ke?

Me: Ahh...sikit-sikit la. ("I was going around 60km/h, the speed they set for us was 40km/h to 50km/h.")

Ins: Nanti you pandu sendiri pun kena cepat ma.

Me: Ahh...ye la, saya pun kena pandu kereta ke kolej di KL.

Ins: Ah..ye la! Tak boleh bergantung pada parents hantar you ke sekolah ma.

Me: Ahh...ye la.

Ins: You letak anting-anting ke? (looking at my ears)

Me: Ahh..ye la. Sakit oh...dah lebam.

Ins: Oh..ya ke?

Me: Ye la...ada darah. ("LOL! I was nervous...just crap whatever comes into my mind.")

-This lorry in front of me turned eventhough it was red- I didn't know, so, I followed-

Ins: Aih! Brek! Brek! (step on brakes for me)

Me: (step on brakes) ("this is it, I'm gonna fail! I went through the white line! In my moment of defence...") Ahh? Warna merah ah? Kenapa diorang belok ah? Saya tak tau la...lori kat depan, saya pun tak boleh tengok.

Ins: Itu gila punya orang.

Me: ("LOL!")

Ins: Ahh...okay, tukar gear. Cepat sikit. You boleh punya ma....kan boleh? Ah...signal kat sini.

Me: (change gear in the middle of the road)

Ins: Aih! Dah belok baru tukar gear ma.

Me: ....

-Awkward silence-

Ins: Dah, belok kat sini. (help me turn my steering wheel) Ahh...dah, sign kat sini.

Me: Terima kasih! Thank you so much! (beaming with happiness)

When I got my results I feel like shouting Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I failed twice and would've failed the third time if not for Him. I was egoistic and did not ask for His help the first two times. But even with a little faith, I can do anything. At first when the instructor was arguing with the other guy, I thought that this is it, I'm doomed! That guy is in a bad mood. He will surely fail me to release his anger. Besides, he smokes, that would increase his stress even more. But I just waited and trusted the Lord. I kept praying for angels to guide the car I'm driving and that it would be a safe ride. My tiny faith brought Him to save me. "You didn't have enough faith," Jesus said. "I assure you, if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, 'move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." Now that I look back, I know for sure that he made that argument between the instructor and the Chinese guy just to prove that once and for all, it is His work happening. Coincidence? I think not! He just wants me to have faith in Him. To forever more cast all my worries to his feet. To surrender.

I can do it

I CAN DO IT. I ALREADY DID IT!

Do Not Worry

"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

Daylight Robbery

Went to Times Square with a couple of friends. After so many months, maybe even years I didn't visit Times Square, it definitely changed a lot! The stores were made for the lala people. The only reason I used to go Times Square was for Borders but now its 2 storey glory have been downsized to only 1 floor. BTS Borders is seriously underappreciated.

Anyway, a person that hates shopping for clothes like me, had to wait outside of stores for my friends. But this visit definitely got me reaping some rewards, I found out that some stores sell Japanese street fashion clothes like Lolita. It's so cool! Have to make another trip there to do some research with Sue for our paper.

Anyway, VinXi 'dragged' me to this store that sells all things Idol, particularly Korean and Taiwanese. They have everything from posters, key-chains, mirrors, wind-chimes, anything you can ever think of! Obviously, we searched Suju things like crazy. I actually grabbed and dumped everything Suju into a basket, which was full to the brim. What went through my mind that time was to grab everything that catches my eye and filter them later. Like in Kinokuniya the other day, I wanted to buy the whole store! First time in my life I felt like a real shopaholic. Didn't bring out enough money and all that.

The people there knows how to exploit us and make big bucks! When I was cashing out my things, I began to feel cheated. I still can't believe I spent 18 bucks on a poster and a DIY key-chain. I know, stupid right? But of course, it felt right that time. It's only when I leave the store that I feel like I got robbed. Like someone poked a hole into my purse and money just kept flowing out. Hmm...the store owner must be driving a Beemer and living in a service apartment next to KLCC with all the money she's making. Dang! She sure knows how to make a fool out of the crazy fans. The celebrities have a right to claim royalties from her.

We even deposited 25 bucks each for the Suju 3rd album ver. C which I must say, I'm happy to get it but at RM75, it's a bit pricey. Okay la, it's imported and shipment is very expensive. However, this is the first original album I've ever gotten. Even with Backstreet Boys, my first love, I had never bought their original album before. I'm a practical, frugal person. This fandom thing is seriously getting back at me.

How did I get so crazy over this whole thing? It's not to that point yet, but if I let it get out of hand, celebrity worshipping is bound to come. I'm never going down that road. I'm not gonna be a crazy elf.

Elves are crazy!

I feel so sick right now, like I'm about to barf. Reading this right after my dinner doesn't help either.

Read this

Sick! That poor girl just took a picture with Kangin of SJ and the E.L.F members verbally attacked her. What's wrong with this world!? Gosh, don't they have anything better to do at home? I mean, it's okay to be Super Junior fans, but this is taking the word overboard to an octave higher. I love Suju myself, but this is just too much. All they did was apologize and it's as if that made everything alright. SM should close down the fanclub. What about the family members of Lee Eun Ji? Don't they matter? I can't believe that today, the media can actually kill a person, literally.

How did we come from Adam and Eve to now? Today's society is seriously decaying. Take Akon for example, I loved his song 'Lonely'...at least it meant something. How did he go from there to 'I Wanna Make Love'!? I don't care if you wanna make love....why would you wanna tell people you wanna make love? That's sick and wrong! The only thing more sick and wrong is that people actually listens to it. That song actually shot up the billboard charts. Gah!!

I'm dissing the Elves and Akon fans right now, hmm...next thing you'll know, I'll get verbally attacked by both parties. I'm going to die young...

Bye Bye, Teacher Audrey

Hah! Finally, my job at Kumon is over! I can concentrate on my studies and my life. It's kind of sad too because I'm going to miss my students there. Some of them are rotten little things while some are quiet little darlings. However, when it comes down to everything in the end, they're kids and cute ones too. I was once little demons like them too. We all were. 

I only told a few students that today was my last day. I told Leanne, one of my favourite students. She's just Standard 3 but she can read as well as a Form 1 student.

Me: Today's my last day here la...(smile)

Leanne: (smile back)

-After a few minutes-

Leanne: Teacher, you serious wan ah?

Me: Of course la

Leanne: Really wan ah? I go ask Teacher Ila wan ah...

Me: Go ask la.

Leanne: Yerr...don't go la.

-After asking Kak Ila-

Leanne: You stop because your results not so good is it? (In Chinese)

Me: Hah? Speak in English la..I don't undestand. My Mandarin not so good.

-After searching my very limited Mandarin database-

Me: Oh..you mean my results go down is it? No la...I just cannot cope only, very tiring. Want to concentrate more on studies.

After that, she went to play and when I was cutting manila cards to label the students' folders, she came and 'help' me. I was reluctant to let her cut at first because a clever kid is still a kid. My guess was right because when I did let her help me, she ruined a perfectly fine sheet of manila card. Coupled with the 'help' I got from Syahid (this cute kid that I found out was Syafiqah's brother), I got all the 'help' I want. He literally used the manila cards as nunchucks. Crumpled my nice manila cards which he will later use for his folder anyway. 

I have this other really naughty student, Dwayne. Who comunicated with body language and single syllable words like "Yes" and "No" Today, as if trying to irritate me on my last day, he was extra rebellious. The sentence he was supposed to read was "A funny clown" and it became "A clown with red nose on his face" Okay la...not that bad...until it got to the part where he said, "....and the dog go pee on his face" I just had to hit his head with the paper. Luckily the other teachers didn't see that or I'll be sued for child abuse. 

Me: Today my last day, you layan me so bad. I'm not going to see you anymore.

Dwayne: (his specialty, just sit there and laugh like an idiot)

I wonder if he will think he made me give up my job when he don't see me anymore after today. Learned a lot from my first job, especially from the children. Would never regret taking up this job, although I sometimes think I'm underpaid for all the hard work. Teaching is not easy, especially with little kids. It's like you suddenly gave birth to dozens of kids and they all want something from you. However, like Kexin said, "WE ARE FREE PEOPLE!!!" Okay la...I'm not entirely free, if you define free as having no relations with Kumon at all. My boss at the end of today said, "We'll still see each other la...if I have any emergencies, I can still call you to come in, right?" At first I thought she was joking, but she wasn't smiling, at all. I don't mind coming in sometimes to see the children la...but I'm definitely not working for her if it's not an emergency.

Tagged by Sunbae

Rules: Once you've been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 100 Truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

WHAT WAS YOUR:
1. Last beverage: Plain water
2. Last phone call: Gai asking for Bio textbook
3. Last text message: Ding asking me to animangaki at SunU
4. Last song you listened to: Dancing Out by Super Junior
5. Last time you cried: Not really sure, maybe during church service (not really the sobbing kinda cry)

HAVE YOU EVER: 
6. Dated someone twice: Nope, never even dated before
7. Been cheated on: Yes, but not the relationship kind
8. Kissed someone & regretted it: Nope
9. Lost someone special: Yes, a very good friend
10. Been depressed: Yes, but not the "I want to die" kind 
11. Been drunk and threw up: Nope...just got drunk once, and that's with my family too

LIST THREE FAVORITE COLOURS:
12. White
13. Purple
14. Black

THIS YEAR HAVE YOU: (2009)
15. Made a new friend: Yes! Lots in college
16. Fallen out of love: Nope...to actually love a person is hard
17. Laughed until you cried: Yeah
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes, a lecturer
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes, since the change from high school to college
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Nope
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Err...no
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Most of them
23. How many kids do you want to have: Don't know...3, maybe?
24. Do you have any pets: Yes, my dog, June
25. Do you want to change your name: Yes! Very much..because my name is supposed to be for guys
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Celebrated with friends that literally announced my birthday to the whole school during the school carnival
27. What time did you wake up today: Today very special, I woke up and slept a few times. At 7am, 10am, 12pm then finally at 5pm just now (had fever and stomach cramps-seriously thought I had some disease like stomach cancer or appendicitis)
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Playing The Sims 3!!
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for: Eat!
30. Last time you saw your Mother: A few minutes ago
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Regrets about the wrongs I've done so far
32. What are you listning to right now: Wonder Boy by  Super Junior
33. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Nope (what's with this question?)
34. What's getting on your nerves right now: My stomach cramps
35. Most visited webpage: Google (The Power of Google, people!)
36. Whats your real name: See Tho Wai Siong
37. Nicknames: Audrey, Kaori-chan, Toto (sadly, it's true)
38. Relationship Status: Single
39. Zodiac sign: Cancer
40. Male or female?: Female
41. Primary?: SK Bandar Tun Hussein Onn
42. Secondary School?: SMK Bandar Tun Hussein Onn 2
43. Poly/Ite/Jc/others?: HELP University College
44. Hair colour: Black
45. Long or short: Long
46. Height: 170cm
47. Do you have a crush on someone?: Not at the moment
48: What do you like about yourself?: The fact that I am literate
49. Piercings: Yes, two on each ear
50. Tattoos: Err...no
51. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :
52. First surgery: Thank heavens, no and hopefully never will
53. First piercing: 7 years old
54. First best friend: Kindy years..everyone in the class was my best friend
55. First sport you joined: Netball
56. First vacation: Balik kampung at Muar la
58. First pair of trainers: How to remember oh? When I took my first steps as a baby?
59. Eating: I'm still full
60. Drinking: Just took a gulp of water
61. I'm about to: Play The Sims 3!!
62. Listening to: You're my Endless Love by Super Junior
63. Waiting on: My phone to finish charging
64. Want kids?: Yes, just not now because I don't have money and it's against the law
65. Get Married?: Duh! Don't every girl want that? DEEP, DEEP down...each girl wants that
66. Career?: Forensic/Child Psychologist
67. Lips or eyes: Eyes
68. Hugs or kisses: Both
69. Shorter or taller: Neither
70. Older or younger: Younger
71. Romantic or spontaneous: Spontaneous
72. Nice stomach or nice arms: Stomach
73. Sensitive or loud: Loud
74. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
75. Trouble maker or hesitant: Neither

HAVE YOU EVER :
76. Kissed a stranger: No
77. Drank hard liquor: Yes, just a few sips
78. Lost glasses/contacts: Yes! A good few times too, until I had to pay for my last pair of glasses
79. Sex on first date: No!
80. Broken someone's heart: Maybe, who knows?
82. Been arrested: Nope
83. Turned someone down: Yeah
84. Cried when someone died: Yes
85. Fallen for a friend?: Yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
86. Yourself: Yeah
87. Miracles: Yes
88. Love at first sight: I did, not anymore
89. Heaven: Yes
90.Santa Claus: When I was a kid
91. Kiss on the first date: No
92. Angels: Yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
94. Had more than 1 girlfriend/boyfriend at a time: Never even had one
95. Did you sing today?: Yes
96. Ever cheated on somebody?: Yes
97. If you could go back in time, how far would you go?: To my kindy days
98. If you could pick a day from last year and relive it, what would it be?: The day I took my PSV paper in SPM
100. Posting this as 100 truths?: Yep

TAGGING:
Not tagging!

p/s: didn't I do this tag before? Weird...