Friday, October 15, 2010

Dear God, My Ideal Box

Sometimes I wish I could pick out the little things and people in life that I like and put them into a box. Then I'll live the rest of my life inside that box. If that were to come true, my box would have lavender fields, chocolate falls, ice-cream boats swimming in the chocolate that would never melt, marshmallow penguins and dolphins that would swim with me in the chocolate river, books in the clouds that I can just pluck out and read, stars made of gummy bears, flowers with all the colors I could think of for me to use as paintbrushes whenever I feel like painting on the sky, a floating glass house with a bed made of bubbles that would sometimes float up and around the sky, I would use a rainbow to slide down from the house and a bubble would take me up, the weather will change according to my mood (when I'm happy, I want to see the sun and when I'm sad, I want to see the moon), when I want to watch something, the sky is the screen, a tune would follow with each step that I take, AND all the people that I love would be there; my family, friends, Super Junior, Coldplay, Backstreet Boys...

This just goes to show that a person can think of anything at all when imagination is applied. I just feel sad these few days because I know that next year when I transfer, I need to separate from all the things I've known for 19 years of my life. I know it will happen eventually but a person can dream, right? What's your box like?

Monday, August 30, 2010

I'm tired of Multi-level Marketing

I got pitched for MLM again, this time it was for Herbalife. I'm tired of these direct selling plans, it's getting annoying. My mum's doing Cosway, Dhinesh is doing Amway now this random girl on Facebook texted me for Herbalife. From the first moment I heard about MLM, I've had a bad feeling about it.

It was when my sister and mum got into Lampe Berger. The first time they got pitched the idea, I was there and it felt wrong to me. It felt like it's going against nature, going through a shortcut in life. I didn't like it at all. They started by investing RM3000, buying oil lamps. Then my sister got all excited and started her 'business' to earn some money of her own. Eventually the hype died down and we all just forgot about it. A few years later, we heard that the whole scheme collapsed and all the members got into debt. Thank God we only started small.

Then when I left my sheltered life behind in Cheras and got into college, I got exposed to MLM on a bigger scale. First it was Dhinesh, my friend from college. His parents is in Amway and he plans to build his own Amway business and retire early so he can travel and achieve his dreams. I really think he can do it, he's the kind of person that will succeed in MLM. When he talked to me about his home-based business, I had no idea it was MLM at all. I brought my mum along to this talk he had. The moment they said the words Amway and MLM, a fresh wave from the past flooded me. Call me skeptical, but I don't like anything that has to do with MLM. From that time onwards, whenever Dhinesh talked to me about Amway, I just nod and make agreeable sounds but remain distant about it. He was persistent and finally I promised him that if whenever I want to get into MLM, I would ask him for help.

Then my mum went into Cosway, she was and is absolutely positive about it. Cosway is like Amway, but they run shops. She plans to run a Cosway shop of her own with her friend. I guess it's okay because she just invests a returnable deposit and Cosway will pay for the shop's expenditure. But then she has to buy a certain amount of items from Cosway every month. Now I'm deprived of certain brands of common items like Darlie, Pantene and Kotex. Cosway has their own brands for everything but it feels odd. I've been using these brands for years and I don't like how I have to change them now. My mum tried to sign me on to her downline but I was against it. She was okay with it, she got my sister and brother to help her out.

A few days back, this girl, Nikko messaged me on Facebook about hiring Psychology graduates and students from HELP University College. She said it's a wellness coach job and she's a nutritionist. I saw pictures of her on Facebook about Herbalife and I knew something was off. But, I put all my pessimistic thoughts behind. It sounded good because I needed a job anyway, so I went for it and met her today. To say I was disappointed was an understatement. I was expecting a proper job where I get to exercise my psychological skills I learned at college. When we sat down to talk about the 'job prospects', I immediately got down to business and stated the obvious, "Is Herbalife about MLM?" The dude, Victor who was with Nikko said after a slight pause, "Oh..Herbalife is more than MLM, it's helping people." He wasn't even answering the question. He said Herbalife is helping people by giving them the right nutrition. They showed a lot of pictures; fat people turn slim, slim people turn fat, skinny people turn buff, acne faces turn smooth, diseased people turn healthy..etc. All the while, he kept saying, "Won't you like helping these people? How would you feel psychologically if you get to help these people?" I turned distant when I realized that it's MLM, yet again. I just agreed at the right parts and went along with it.

To think that they actually related all this to psychology. What does it have to do with anything I've learned!? I'm actually quite offended by this. Wellness coach and nutritionist, really now!!?? I didn't work so hard on my degree to be a salesperson. Oh wait, no...they kept saying it's not sales, it's helping people. If I'm earning money from it, it doesn't feel like I'm helping them. How would I know I'm helping them, eh? It's not cheap to start the Herbalife diet. And it has to be a continuous process. Once you stop taking their products, you gain it all back, right where you started. Sure, at first you're just taking their products, eventually you'd have to sell them too, because you can't afford their bloody protein shakes and vitamins. For their credit, their products does seem to work, if you're into protein shakes and multivitamins. If you live to eat proper food like me, don't even think about it. Water and exercise is all you need.

[Omit reading this part if you're not Victor or Nikko but go ahead if you're just that curious]
Victor and Nikko, if you're reading this right now, I'm not going to your customer day this Sunday. Please don't persuade me anymore, I don't want it to get ugly...especially since we're all children of God. We can still be friends. ^^ I just don't like the whole idea of MLM. Now, I know how Victor said it's just a tool to help people. Where money's involved, it doesn't feel right. It feels like MLM is making a tool out of us. Remember Matthew 6:19-24? I don't think I can spend so much time on earning money and still serve God wholeheartedly.

No offense to those doing well in MLM, I'm sure it's a great way to earn money, passive income and all that. But a person like me cannot and will not do well in MLM. I hate persuading people, especially people I know. It's like I'm milking money from the people I trust and love. So, when I make friends, it doesn't feel genuine, business have to come first. Oh, and don't start telling me how it's great to earn a better income and not have employers boss you around. Let me experience it myself! How would you know that I don't like getting bossed around and I like earning lotsa money!?

I have worked before and I actually like having a boss, I don't have to take as many responsibilities and I like letting people telling me what to's simpler that way. I want to earn money with the degree that I've studied so hard for. Sure, I may earn a measly salary at the beginning and maybe even after I work really hard, I won't get as much as a high ranking MLM distributor does*. To me, that's a good thing. I don't want to have lots of money and retire. I actually like studying and working. I think if there's too much money in my life, it takes away the fun of life...takes away my focus on God.

It's like when you play a computer game, let's say The Sims, you enter a cheat code and get lots of money to buy a nice house with grand furniture. At the beginning of the game, it's really fun with so much money, you get anything you want and have fun building your house. After that, you realize the house is too big and lodged with so much crap, you can't play at ease. It gets boring because you don't have anything to do. The purpose of the whole game was to go on a journey, to achieve your dreams using your own means. You're supposed to study and work for money to buy your dream car, build your dream house and get the dream life partner. With so much money, there's no need to work hard anymore. You skip a whole chapter of your life. Sure, it's hard to work...but it's also fun. The ecstatic feeling you get when you get your first paycheck. The years of hard labor to get that promotion and when you finally got it, how would you feel? Your dream house, put together by years of dreaming, seeing it built in front of your very own eyes bit by bit. Won't you wanna experience it all?

*btw, only about 1%-10% of MLM investors earn any profit. The usual amazing testimonies at weekend seminars probably involve exaggerated salaries or they're really the lucky few that managed to earn so much. It's not easy to do MLM, it involves a lot of hard work and sacrifices (like your children).

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Kiss Goodbye

My very first college friend.
Very good assignment buddy.
When I think of you, I think of;
Being ambitious.
Being committed.
Wang Lee Hom.

As a tribute to you, I listened to Wang Lee Hom today.

I will see you next year~!
Remember to write and Skype me loads! ^^

Sunday, August 8, 2010

A Slice for Everyday - Raspberry

Sorry for the really late post..was resting from my trip to China and Blogger is banned in China.
Thanks to my high school friends, I got to sample 7 different types of cheese cakes from Secret Recipe.
Was planning to eat one slice per day but I had that China trip.
So, I ate everything in one go, with some help from my family.

I started out with something I like, Blueberry Cheese Cake.
Oh wait, scratch turns out that it's Raspberry after all.
I've never had Raspberry Cheese Cake before, something new.
It had like teeny little seeds in there, which is kinda annoying really.
And the shape is horrible...because it was carried around all the way to Shah Alam and back without refrigeration.
I'm surprised it didn't turn into a puddle of liquid.
I liked that it was creamy and dense with a hint of sour from the fruit.
But the disfigured shape really made it hard to eat.
Cakes like these are meant to be eaten with the cookie crust attached to the cheese.
I had bites with lots of crust and some just the cheese alone.
All in all, this cake is not my favorite slice...I've had better ones.
Blueberry Cheese Cake still wins over Raspberry Cheese Cake. Amen?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

What happened to me today?

I've heard of it.
Learned about it.
But never in my life would I ever think I would experience it.

It happened minutes before my Anthropology exam.
It's safe to say, my concentration went out the window.
When I arrived 'safely' at college,
I was freaking out, telling my friends I was really scared.
They were like, "Don't worry about it. It's just an exam".
Then I told them it's not that.
Then they started guessing what happened to me.
They finally got it and were disgusted by it.
Some of them told me their own similar experiences.
At least I wasn't alone, I felt better.

When I walked past the crime scene,
I held my breath and ran.
I was terrified of that place.
When I walked to my car,
I was hoping some other female would be there
Then history won't repeat itself again.
I heard footsteps.
I got my keys out and was ready to gouge eyes out.

It was a girl.
I let my breath out and thanked God.
I sped away in my car.
When I paid for my parking at the counter.
It was a dude.
I've seen him countless times.
But today, he seemed different.
I don't dare to stay near him long.

When I reached home,
I texted Sal and Kexin.
Told them what happened to me today.
Sal being Sal, totally don't know what I'm talking about.
I had to explain to him.
Kexin was disgusted as well.
We both sighed at my lost innocent mind.

I kept imagining what I could've done.
I could've called the cops.
I could've kicked him in the nuts.
I could've stapled him.
I could've used pepper spray on him.
Heck, I could've used a gun on him.

But what really happened was,
I was surprised.
I went a bit blur.
I walked off.
When I realized what happened and what might happen,
I ran off.

So, what happened to me today?
I got flashed.

*To those studying/working near HELP, don't hang around the bus stop opposite the highway from UOA.
*Never park at ECM Libra ever, unless you have someone with you.
*Even a person like me who has a brown black in Taekwondo gets afraid too.
*Bring self-defense devices if you can.

Sunday, July 11, 2010


Ahh...I lost my earphones again. Time to get a proper pair of headphones! I suddenly remembered about the headphones Donghae wore in Seoul Song MV.
It's shooo cutee! I looked throught a lot of websites. The brand is called Mix-Style. Some say it's not reliable, some think otherwise. Apparently there are a lot of fakes out there. The price ranges from RM45 to USD105 (plus shipping). If only there is a shop in KL that sells them. I'm going to China soon anyway, maybe they sell them there.
It's quite common...someone said it's practically everywhere on the streets on Hong Kong. Japanese created them..but I think they're kinda over it already. Hmm...should I get them?

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Happy Teuk Day~

Hoho..wondering why I would suddenly post on my blog after so long?
It's because today is Leeteuk a.k.a 'the dude on my key chain' of Super Junior's birthday.
Ahh~ already the second time I see him grow older another year.
I wished him on twitter:
"@special1004 생일 축하 합니다! 사랑해 오빠~#happyteukday"
It basically translates as "Happy Birthday! I love you, oppa~"
Really, I don't know what to wish him.
Took me a while to get the right words to wish him in Korean too.
Not like his English is good either.

The ELFs gave him a Macbook Air for his birthday! Dang! They're good!
And Donghae just mentioned that he 'likes' the Apple iPad, the fans get it for him.
It's not even his birthday.

If you see me anytime today, I'll be all happy because it's his birthday.
And it's my birthday month.
People, I expect a party planned for me, okay?

Wednesday, May 19, 2010

I get it now

Sometimes, I feel like I'm all alone in the world, especially since I'm leaving soon. We had so many plans...go on a trip to Melaka, baking cupcakes, karaoke. Can I do all that before I go? None of the people I know here will follow me to the States, so why bother getting closer now? It will just hurt more when we part.
I'm counting down to the day when I have to say goodbye. I have yet to choose the university that I want to attend, let alone apply. But it still feels closer than ever. Always Be My Baby by David Cook on replay.

We were as one babe
For a moment in time
And it seemed everlasting
That you would always be mine

Now you want to be free
So I'm letting you fly
Cause I know in my heart babe
Our love will never die

You'll always be a part of me
I'm a part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I ain't gonna cry no
And I won't beg you to stay
If you're determined to leave girl
I will not stand in your way
But inevitably you'll be back again
Cause ya know in your heart babe
Our love will never end no

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

I know that you'll be back girl
When your days and your nights get a little bit colder oooohhh
I know that, you'll be right back, babe
Ooooh! baby believe me it's only a matter of time

You'll always be a part of me
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my my baby....

You'll always be a part of me (you will always be)
I'm part of you indefinitely
Girl don't you know you can't escape me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby
And we'll linger on (we will linger on....)
Time can't erase a feeling this strong
No way you're never gonna shake me
Ooh darling cause you'll always be my baby

Always be my baby

Credits: Lyricsty

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Day 4 of Holiday

Went to Carrefour with Mum today.
Was too bored that I wrote 'Jusco Rules!' on Carrefour's refrigerator.
Went to claim the 'free gift' from buying Pacific West fish sandwiches.
The lady there was so rude...I told her, "Nak claim free gift untuk Pacific West, sauce itu." (Sighh...I know, terrible BM) (-.-)
She said, "Apa dia?"
"Ehh...sauce itu...rasanya mayonnaise la."
She was like, "Haa? Boleh tengok barang tak?"
My mum was all the way at the other side of the mall, I had to walk back and take the frozen sandwiches from her.
When I showed it to her. She said, "Oohh...MAYONNAISEEE~! You kata apa tadi? Sos??"
Took a lot of effort to not climb over the counter to claw at her face. "Ye lah. Mayonnaise tu sauce la." (And the product brand was called 'Sauz'. Dudee!)
After fiddling around and trying to find the MAYO, she said, "Sorry la..rasanya dah habis stok."
In my mind I was like, aren't you supposed to know your work space clearly? Know where you put everything exactly.
"Saya boleh gantikan dengan barang lain la."
"Barang apa?"
"Sos tiram atau sos cili."
Next thing I know, she gave me sos tiram. Ahh! I don't care anymore. Whatever. I know my mum would have said we don't eat oyster sauce anymore..why can't you change to anything else? And she did. If I talk to that counter lady anymore, I could lose control and claw her eyes out with my key chain.
So, what have we learned today, kids? Jusco is better than Carrefour! *insert ooohhhs and aaahhhs*
Hmm...can't really see, but I wrote 'Jusco Rules'

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Remembering Her...

Suddenly felt like putting on some really sad song and cry my eyes out. Kexin told me her grandpa's in ICU now. Brings back memories of visiting my grandma. Sometimes I would suddenly stop in the middle of doing something to think about her. They're not all sad memories but her last days were the most remembered. I have had a lot of 'what if' moments in my life but this I think is by far the most regretted upon. What if I spent more time with her? Every time I passed by her bedroom door, what if I had just looked in and see the lonely person she really was? What if I stepped inside and talked to her? Would she be safe now? Would she be remembered as the grandma everyone knew and loved? Sometimes I wake up or when I hear people talk about their grandparents, I think, "Oh right, I don't have grandparents no more."

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Have I ever told you before...

...that I hate HELP UC? Since the beginning of my college life, I've been comparing HELP and INTI. From little things like, INTI has better food to bigger things like, INTI ADP offers better subjects. Maybe it's innate in me to criticize all the educational institutions I've been in (except for my kindy years). It's true, I've been unhappy about my primary school, secondary school and now my college.
I've begun to accept HELP as it is...and I do see its positive points. Like...ooohh! HELP is having this Global Collaborative Summer Program that allows their students to exchange to Kyunghee University in South Korea for a month. The same university that Kyuhyun is going to! I'm trying to apply for it but my mother has clearly shown her dislike for it because it's expensive (about USD1000 excluding food and air fare) and she thinks there's no good reason for me to go. She thinks I'm only going because I'm crazy about Korean stuff...which is party true but even without the Korean element there, I would still go...if it's at like China or Russia. What's more awesome is that professors from Princeton, Yale, U.Penn, London etc. are teaching the courses! This is my chance of knowing why Ivy Leagues are so renowned!!
Today's negative point was waiting for the bus. I was going to take the shuttle bus over to Main Campus to get my calculator back from Kyeng but I waited for 30 minutes and it won't show up! Kyeng's class is at 11am and by the time the bus arrived, it was 10.55am. It just had to show up when I gave up and went back to class. can't blame the shuttle buses for being late because of traffic or technical problems. But I sure can blame HELP for building their campus on separate lands. Everyday from 7am to 7pm, at least 3 shuttle buses would ferry students from one campus to another and vice versa. Do you know how much petrol and heat is lost there? I feel so bad for taking the bus sometimes. Ohh..and if HELP could've gotten cheaper parking fees at parking lots near my campus, KPD, I wouldn't have to.
However, I have to give at least a little bit of credit for them to realize this after so many years. Now, they're building this new 'green' campus in Subang. As if harvesting the rain water and sunlight can redeem all the carbon they released. What's worse, I don't even have a chance to enjoy would only be finished in 2011, the very year I'm going over to the US. The swimming gallery...4000 parking spaces!! Nothing!
Gosh...I sound so bitter. Yeah, if any of you HELP lovers out there reading this, please don't bash me or get me expelled. This is only constructive criticism, at its peak.

Sunday, March 28, 2010


Sujuland...where Super Junior songs play in your head 24 hours and you dream about them in your sleep. Where flowers with Super Junior faces grow among pearl sapphire blue grass. That's where I was the whole week after the concert. I couldn't do any real work after that. All I did was check Sapphire Pearls a few times everyday, watch Super Junior videos and search for SS2 Malaysia photos. I had a 10 page research paper to pass up that Friday and I haven't written a single word! But somehow, it felt okay...I felt 'happy'. Before, I would've freaked out about it and felt extreme guilt.
You know when you write, there's a flow? Yeah, I lost that after the concert. Before, words would just pop into my head, I'd write them down, and they'd make total sense! For the first time in my college life, I couldn't meet the page limit. We were supposed to write a 10 page report and we only managed to write 9 pages. I felt like half my brain was still in Sujuland...basically, I felt stupid. People, I have a normal IQ level.
For the first time, I felt like totally giving up on the report and go play. I'm the serious one in the group. When I complete something, I feel a sense of accomplishment, pride. This time, I only wrote the paper for the sake of writing and I felt ashamed to hand it didn't feel like I wrote it. They're just a bunch of words put together. Please, don't let me get a C...B is my limit. Worst of all, that subject is a big part of my major. In about 9 months, more work, less time and I'll be by my lonesome self. How am I going to survive in the US?

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Post-Super Junior Concert

This post would involve me acting like a total fangirl. My left ear is seriously damaged from all the screaming. It' still ringing from the concert and it's been 2 hours. But...AHAHAHAH!!! I got to see them up close! And some of the members waved at us! I can't believe we got to see them in person! Some of the fans got to take photos and shake hands with them. Sigh..should've gotten the closer seats.
We went there at about 4pm. To normal people, it's very early for a 7pm concert. But to Super Junior fans, it's considered late. Some of them camped over. The line in front of the stadium was literally a circumference around the stadium. We got some burgers for dinner and hanged around. Everywhere, people are wearing blue and a lot of booths were set up for merchandise. Speaking of which, those bloodsuckers marked up the price. A bottle of water costs RM2 when i could walk further down to the canteen to get it for RM1.20. This 'official' merchandise store was selling a package of 1 t-shirt and 1 plastic flag for RM120! And people actually line up to buy it. I'm not crazy enough for that. They were selling glow sticks as well. Outsiders selling non-sapphire blue glow sticks were overthrown by the ELFs. We were gonna ask the guy how much he's selling them. When a few ELFs came up to the auntie before us asking them not to buy non-sapphire blue glowsticks. Because they want to create a sea of sapphire blue in the stadium. Some people really are dedicated. Oh yeah, we had a total of 6 false alarms. Suddenly in the crowd, someone would scream, causing a chain-effect of screams. Everyone would rush to see but there's really nothing to see. At one point, someone did see someone famous..but it was some local Chinese artist. Yeah, like Super Junior would enter from the front gate! If they want to live, they'd sneak in from the back door/underground.
Okay, I have to admit...the whole sea of sapphire blue thing is pretty awesome (see photo). But Stadium Putra is way too small. Oh...and Marctensia is seriously getting on my nerves. They hired these RELA people to control the crowd and didn't let us bring water bottles in. I don't know why but they checked our bags and refused to let us bring water in. It's 3 hours of screaming! We've got to have water. Apparently they sell water at RM2 per bottle inside. Yeah, so that explains everything. Well, we had our way of sneaking our water bottles in. When we arrived inside, we still had to wait for another hour before they start. They played these ads for our 'enjoyment'. We had our own ways of entertaining. First of, we chanted 'SUJU' a lot of times and screamed everytime they put up ads on Super Junior. Oh, and we did this really cool wave. Even when they were checking the stage lights, we screamed. Basically, we're irritated by the whole waiting.
And then it happened. Everything was going past so song after another. When they first came in, we screamed like there's no tomorrow. Yeah..I'm gonna let the pictures and videos do the explanation.
Fancams by me.
Photos by me, my friend and a lot of other people from Sapphire Pearls.

*I'm having hallucinations. I can hear screams and chants around me.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

Pre-Super Junior Concert

It's the day of the concert today!! Now people, I know I'm supposed to be over K-Pop and all. (Highlighted by not one, not two, but five of my college friends. Thank, you guys!) I never said I would never listen to/sing K-Pop songs. I'm just not addicted to them and I'm not gonna stalk them. Again, I was just talking about stalking them...I'm not really gonna do it (Yeah, I have Borderline Personality Disorder mixed with a little Passive-Agressive Personality Disorder sometimes). Like Sue said, I'm gonna get trampled in the crowd with all those probably younger and definitely crazier than me fans.
Oooohhh..them being in Malaysia feels so surreal. They're gonna drive on the roads I use everyday. And it's sooo nearr my house! I hope I can see the front stage....anyone has a good pair of CSI material binoculars?
Before the concert, my friends and I are gathering to watch the Super Show 1 dvd. Just to get the hyped up feeling before the real thing. Woohoo~ waiting for 7 hours is finally gonna be worth it!

Friday, March 12, 2010

Crying and Laughing

Have you ever felt so bad that you wished you could turn back time? Today for the first time in my life, I did. I was trusted with a job to finish editing my group's psychology movie assignment. I worked through the night for it and just for that one last hour before class, I slept and woke up at 11am with 10 missed calls and 2 messages with lots of exclamation marks. The messages said, "Where are you?! It's late already!" At first I thought I was dreaming because the sky can't be bright yet...I'm not sweating from nervousness in Winnee's class.

Then I felt like the whole world fell on my hurts but I can't do anything. All at once, a few voices started debating in my head.
My survival instincts came in and naturally I defended myself. "I'm human too! I slipped just that one time and I have to pay for it?"
Then another voice cried, "Why God!? Why would you do this to me!?"
An angry voice came out, "I haven't been talking to God. The many times I turned my back against God...this happens to me."
But God won't do this to me without reason, right? Then realization kicks me hard in the face. I remember hearing sermons about bad things happening to us and the first thing that comes into our minds is 'God is angry with me'. Most of the time, it's all our own doing...sure, God plans for these things to happen for us to learn but when it boils down to blaming, it's all us.

I tried to call Sue but she won't pick up...class is already over, she should be okay to answer my call.
Then I thought, "Oh no! What if she's still in class and her phone rang when I called her and now the whole class is punished because of me?"
That would certainly make them hate me more than they already do. As I pace around the house thinking what should I do...I cried in helplessness. They don't teach us in school on what to do when faced with these kinds of problems. I can never speak to my friends again and even if they forgive me, a crack will always be there in our friendship. They will never trust me again.

I sent a text to Sue and Audrey that read,
"Please call or text me. I can understand if you guys don't want to talk to me anymore. At least let me know if you handed in the other version or not."
Yes, there was another version of the assignment done by Sue. We were supposed to watch the two versions together and decide which one to hand in. Thankfully, Sue called me back...I was hesitant to pick up because I don't know what to say. Beg for forgiveness on my knees? I picked up and the first thing Sue said,
"Do we look like idiots to you?"
In my mind, "I'm doomed!!"
I answered..."No."
She said, "Of course we handed in my version."
I felt the whole world just lifted off my shoulder and I could smile again.
She said, "Don't beat yourself up la..."
I could only manage to answer in short grunts after that because I couldn't express how thankful I am.

I put down the phone and cried and laughed at the same time. It's not the end of the world after all. I have always known that sleep was my greatest enemy. Sleep to me is like Kryptonite to Superman. The reason why I'm always late for everything in the past, present and most probably in the future is sleep and time management problems. Well...what doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? So now I know that I should never lie on the bed when I'm pulling an all-nighter.

Monday, February 1, 2010

Open the skies

Sigh..hunting for unis is not easy. I really don't know where to go, somewhere that is in budget and good for psychology. There are so many unis out there. Where should I go? I'm already trying to increase my CGPA further. I really don't want to use up my parents' retirement funds. God, help me to make the right choices.

Saturday, January 23, 2010


This is a long overdue post that I meant to write on Monday., I don't have classes on Mondays which is perfectly fine for me to line up for the Super Show 2 tickets. What I did not expect is to spend my whole day there. It's worser than going to college from 8a.m. to 6p.m. while having 6 hours of psych lectures.

We, meaning Kexin and Kexin's friends, lined up at the space next to Green Box karaoke, Sungei Wang since 10a.m. If I didn't get lost on the way there, we would've arrived earlier, but that's besides the point. The line was really long when we got there, there were about a hundred people in front of us. But really, we were pretty lucky because if we would've came at about 12p.m., the line would've been 500m away from the counter. Surprisingly, the crowd had absolutely anyone from anywhere inside...we had guys, parents, Malays, Chinese, Thais..etc. We could spot a few students cutting class. while waiting, we talked about random stuffs until about 11.30a.m. and the counter was still not opened. Note: it was supposed to start selling at 11a.m. Alright, we waited some more, since most Malaysians are naturally late. At about 12p.m., the first customer who came at about 6a.m. got her tickets and I'm telling you, everyone was staring at her. So at about that time, the counter finally came into sight and the line was like, compressed together. We were thinking, now the tickets will sell smoothly...we would all get our tickets and be back home for lunch. Wrong! After the first batch of tickets, we had to wait like 30 minutes before the second batch came out. Every few tickets they sell, we have to wait about 15 minutes. At first it was bearable...up until about 2p.m., it was starting to feel like pure torture. So, what did we do during those agonizing hours of waiting that we weren't allowed to sit? We naturally talked...with strangers around us. Questions like, "Who's your favorite member?" or "Which seats are you buying?" started to fly about the space.

As if it wasn't torturing already, at about 3p.m., one of the staff there shouted, "Whoever that wants to buy RM458 tickets..line up here!!" while standing in front of a new counter. So, what did the individualistic and I'm almost sure, a little crazy on the head from the waiting, fans do? They broke from the line and started rushing over to the new counter, regardless of whatever or whoever standing in, bugs, everything that's too tiny to fend for itself/himself/herself got squashed. Kexin told me to go over too. I wanted to, originally...and thank God I had the mind to actually stop and think for a moment. Because I almost got squashed in the stampede as well. It was crazy messy! They even opened the barrier between the newcomers outside and those already lined up inside. It was pretty unfair that they did, because then all that lining up would've been in vain. Then they mentioned that they're still going by numbers, so I slowly walked up to the line and fit myself into the line.

It turns out that the reason why they're so painfully slow is that they print every single ticket on that day itself. It's made to order. Plus, they only have one counter with one laptop and one cute little printer. Note: they run out of ink quite often hence, the waiting. Oh noo...they couldn't open a few more counters or better yet, open a few spots at other malls. They weren't understaffed at all...they had these guys telling us not to push, sit on the floor and basically just order us around. Oh, did I mention the name of the amateur company? It's Marctensia, the same people that organized Beyonce's canceled concert, but still won't admit to it and the ones that paid a seven figure amount to fight for SS501's concert. According to Sinyi, the founder was some betrayer of Galaxie but noobs will be noobs. Oh's not Super Junior or even SM's fault at's the event organizer's fault.

So, I got the RM458 tickets at around 4p.m. but I can't go just yet...I still have to go back to the original line to get the other tickets. At that point, you can already see the fatigue in everyone's eyes. I was half expecting someone to pass out from the waiting, then it will appear on NTV7 Prime Time News. Kexin looked like she was going to faint. It was 4p.m., we didn't get any breakfast or lunch and we weren't allowed to sit long...I was getting really irritated. So, I said what came into mind, "Super Junior or no Super Junior, the concert better be good or I'll boo them from the audience!" and "Screw Super Junior! I'm going to 2PM!". I dissed Marctensia loudly from the line as well. Yeah, I was really, reaaalllyyy annoyed. When we finally reach the front lines, we were all half-dead, ate some bread and had a little water but still, emotionally tired.

When we got our tickets, it was already 5.40p.m. and we said goodbyes to our new friends. Right, the parking price was RM 12.10. It's expected but still cheaper than the parking rate at HELP. So, the point of this whole post is to say that I waited 7 hours and 40 minutes to get 6 sheets of paper. First and probably the last experience of waiting in line for tickets. Oh, and they bribed us with posters. They said that the first 500 tickets would receive 'free' giant posters. In my mind, it isn't free at's the result of laboring for 7 hours. I treated my poor body with Bak Kut Teh. It was finally eat a proper hot meal. Yeah, I'm definitely going to write, "Oppa! I waited 7 hours and 40 minutes for you~" on my Super Junior banner.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

The past will always catch up with you...

I had a pretty sad two years of secondary school life before I met Jesus. Contrary to popular belief, a person like me did have crushes. To those who think I am a nerd, I don't study everyday at home and I do a lot of things teenagers do., a few years back, I had this really huge crush that practically ruled my life. I was so obsessive, I did crazy, silly little things that shouldn't be revealed...EVER!

We take the same classes at night tuition classes. The first time I saw him, I thought I had that thing they call, love at first sight. At that time, I seriously saw light bestow upon him...and all that surreal stuff. I kept obsessing over it to the point that it's a form of worship. Yeaa..I have those really, really embarrassing diary entries on it too. Those 13 year old, immature ones. I still have them...and every time I look at them..I feel like burning them to ashes, then spread the ashes in the South China Sea. What keeps me back is that I want to remember how I changed from that person to this person now.

When I came to know Christ, I eventually realized that this 'hobby' of mine is really unhealthy and wrong. So, either I get to know him or I take a hike. Being the person with low self-esteem that I was, I decided to forget everything. I cried and it was really not worth it. It's not even a relationship, come on! After that...I just concentrated on my studies and yeah, here I am! I think I learned a lot from that. I learned to love myself better and not blind myself to what's obvious around me.

Through some connections, I recently found his Facebook account and I checked it out. It's been years since I last saw him. He changed a lot and I kept asking myself why did I ever like him anyway? He's not even that good-looking or nice. Wow...that light back then must've been really bright. It's all I can do to not slap myself on the face right now for being so stupid. Here's a tip, slap yourself right now on the face so you can spare regret later on when you feel like you've done something stupid, but you can't turn back time. Sigh...Taeyang's Wedding Dress so suit my mood right now. Unrequited love...haha!