Thursday, June 25, 2009


I'm getting sick these days. Had the flu, then sprained my leg, then got a jab for Hepatitis A and now...getting a headache from God know's what. It might have been the infection in my pierced ear that got my equilibrium all off. It's been almost two months since I've pierced my ears and it's not getting any better. I'm giving up on it...just gonna take it out and let it heal. I'm keeping my ears, thank you very much.
Yeah, maybe this is a way my body and God is trying to tell me to surrender and let it all go. All my worries and pain, just throw it away. I'm considering on going on a long trip. Like when I have my month long holiday next month, I might go on a trip somewhere quiet and just be on my own and relax. I don't wanna go some touristy place, just me, the sun and the beach. No phones, no internet, no connection to the world. I think if I get too used to that life, I wouldn't wanna come back anymore. I feel like just wandering around the world with the clothes on my back and just face each day as it is. No strings attached. God will provide for me. It's like being a disciple of God. I just do what He asks me to do. No more struggling to get an A or getting a job or getting married or having kids. Just God and myself.

p.s: Getting tired of worldy things; money, celebrities...
p.p.s: I hope I grow up fast, then I can go on a trip by myself.

Monday, June 8, 2009

God is good

Warning: This post may very well be the longest I've ever written. So, seat back, relax, grab a snack and read on~


Where do I begin? Well, it took me about 6 months to get my driving license. From the five hours seminar to my practical test this afternoon. It's approximately 6 months.
We promised each other, a promise never kept. We started together, took our first steps in driving. We meet at a junction. There were two ways, one to the left, another to the right. They speed ahead. I went to the right, alone, or so I thought. In the darkness, I was weighed down by my ego. I fell down twice and was laughed at. How stupid can I be? He held out His hand to me but I pushed it away.
I was tired, tired of falling down. When they tell me that I failed, my heart fell down. I kept thinking, "It's okay to fail, I still have another chance." But no, it's not okay. We do not settle for mediocrity!! I hoped, for someone to save me. It felt like someone pushed me into the deeper end of the pool and I was drowning but no one came to lift me up. And then He came... He fished me up. He says, "Nothing is impossible with me. I fed five thousand people, walked on water, drove out demons, died and rose again. Why do you worry? Do not worry about tomorrow as I am always with you." All at once, everything was clear to me. I only asked once, for He said, "Ask and you shall receive."

It was definitely a miracle. I was waiting for my turn to drive this afternoon. I was number one on the list, scary, but I had to face it anyway. I kept replaying how I would drive later, how I failed twice before this. Thoughts of bribing and of failing kept coming into my head. Voices telling me to just bribe, because if I failed again, it would be an embarrasment and it would be torture to dissapoint my parents and go through this all over again. But I kept rebuking these thoughts in the name of Jesus. I brought my Bible and read to myself the word of God and sang praises to Him. Finally, it was my turn;

Instructor: See Tho Wai Siong.
Me: (waving my hands) Ya.
Ins: (talking with another guy) Mana orang Cina itu? Saya suruh dia baiki itu air-cond satu jam lepas. Mana kereta itu sekarang?
Guy: (calling the 'orang cina') Mana kereta itu? Omar nak cakap dengan awak. Datang sekarang.
OC: (smiles) Ah...saya letak kereta itu di sana....(mumbles)
Ins: Saya tadi pukul satu suruh awak baiki itu air-con, sekarang dah pukul dua, masih belum siap! Awak selalu pergi main-main saja! Awak tak baiki itu air-con saya akan mati dalam kereta!
OC: (persuading)
Ins: Saya tak nak test dah! Awak pergi ambilkan kereta untuk saya!
Me: (mouth open "What about me?? I'm doomed!!")
Ins: (smoking cigarette)
Me: (singing in my heart 'How Great is Our God' "As cheesy as this is, it is the only thing that I can do to calm down my nerves.")
OC: (drove a new car down)
Ins: Ini kereta siapa? You main ambik saja ke!?
OC: Ahh...ambil dulu la..
Ins: Pergi tanya dulu siapa punya kereta.
-After going into the office for a while-
Ins: (waving at me to come)
Me: (get everything ready...last minute, forgot to put on the seatbelt)
Ins: Pakai seatbelt dulu
Me: Ahm....(put on seatbelt)
Ins: Ah Moi, dah boleh jalan
-Arrive at the junction, behind the white line-
Ins: Jalan...cepat sikit.
Me: Ahh? Bukan kena stop dan brek sebelum garisan putih ke?
Ins: Takpe, takpe..jalan saje.
Me: Ahh...okay.
Ins: Cepat-cepat sikit. You superman ma! Kena pergi cepat-cepat (singing superman theme song) ("LOL! I was wearing my Superman shirt. Thought it will give me confidence.")
Me: (laughs) Ah...kenapa dah tukar masa ujian kepada tengahari ah? Sebelum ni kan masa pagi?
Ins: Ya ke? Awak dari pagi tunggu sampai sekarang ke?
Me: Ahh? Tak la...instructor saya dah inform. Saya tanya saja.
Ins: Office nak tukar.
Me: Em...
Ins: Pergi sebelah kanan sikit. Tekan minyak banyak banyak.
Me: Ahh? Tapi instructor ajar saya turun bukit kena tekan brek.
Ins: Nanti you dah pass, masih dengar cakap instructor ke?
Me: Ahh..tak. (laughs)
Ins: Ah...tak payah stop, terus saja! Ahh...U-turn kat sini, signal dulu. Cepat-cepat pusing, tekan minyak sikit. ("practically teaching me how to drive")
Me: (just followed him)
Ins: Ah...susur saja. Tekan minyak lagi.
Me: Ahh...okay. ("very unsure, might trick me and fail me")
Ins: Kenapa? Pergi cepat-cepat takut ke?
Me: Ahh...sikit-sikit la. ("I was going around 60km/h, the speed they set for us was 40km/h to 50km/h.")
Ins: Nanti you pandu sendiri pun kena cepat ma.
Me: la, saya pun kena pandu kereta ke kolej di KL.
Ins: la! Tak boleh bergantung pada parents hantar you ke sekolah ma.
Me: la.
Ins: You letak anting-anting ke? (looking at my ears)
Me: la. Sakit oh...dah lebam.
Ins: Oh..ya ke?
Me: Ye la...ada darah. ("LOL! I was nervous...just crap whatever comes into my mind.")
-This lorry in front of me turned eventhough it was red- I didn't know, so, I followed-
Ins: Aih! Brek! Brek! (step on brakes for me)
Me: (step on brakes) ("this is it, I'm gonna fail! I went through the white line! In my moment of defence...") Ahh? Warna merah ah? Kenapa diorang belok ah? Saya tak tau la...lori kat depan, saya pun tak boleh tengok.
Ins: Itu gila punya orang.
Me: ("LOL!")
Ins: Ahh...okay, tukar gear. Cepat sikit. You boleh punya ma....kan boleh? Ah...signal kat sini.
Me: (change gear in the middle of the road)
Ins: Aih! Dah belok baru tukar gear ma.
Me: ....
-Awkward silence-
Ins: Dah, belok kat sini. (help me turn my steering wheel) Ahh...dah, sign kat sini.
Me: Terima kasih! Thank you so much! (beaming with happiness)

When I got my results I feel like shouting Hallelujah! Praise the Lord! I failed twice and would've failed the third time if not for Him. I was egoistic and did not ask for His help the first two times. But even with a little faith, I can do anything. At first when the instructor was arguing with the other guy, I thought that this is it, I'm doomed! That guy is in a bad mood. He will surely fail me to release his anger. Besides, he smokes, that would increase his stress even more. But I just waited and trusted the Lord. I kept praying for angels to guide the car I'm driving and that it would be a safe ride. My tiny faith brought Him to save me. "You didn't have enough faith," Jesus said. "I assure you, if you had faith as small as a mustard seed you could say to this mountain, 'move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." Now that I look back, I know for sure that he made that argument between the instructor and the Chinese guy just to prove that once and for all, it is His work happening. Coincidence? I think not! He just wants me to have faith in Him. To forever more cast all my worries to his feet. To surrender.

I can do it

Do Not Worry
"Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." (Matthew 6:34)

Sunday, June 7, 2009

Daylight Robbery

Went to Times Square with a couple of friends. After so many months, maybe even years I didn't visit Times Square, it definitely changed a lot! The stores were made for the lala people. The only reason I used to go Times Square was for Borders but now its 2 storey glory have been downsized to only 1 floor. BTS Borders is seriously underappreciated.
Anyway, a person that hates shopping for clothes like me, had to wait outside of stores for my friends. But this visit definitely got me reaping some rewards, I found out that some stores sell Japanese street fashion clothes like Lolita. It's so cool! Have to make another trip there to do some research with Sue for our paper.
Anyway, VinXi 'dragged' me to this store that sells all things Idol, particularly Korean and Taiwanese. They have everything from posters, key-chains, mirrors, wind-chimes, anything you can ever think of! Obviously, we searched Suju things like crazy. I actually grabbed and dumped everything Suju into a basket, which was full to the brim. What went through my mind that time was to grab everything that catches my eye and filter them later. Like in Kinokuniya the other day, I wanted to buy the whole store! First time in my life I felt like a real shopaholic. Didn't bring out enough money and all that.
The people there knows how to exploit us and make big bucks! When I was cashing out my things, I began to feel cheated. I still can't believe I spent 18 bucks on a poster and a DIY key-chain. I know, stupid right? But of course, it felt right that time. It's only when I leave the store that I feel like I got robbed. Like someone poked a hole into my purse and money just kept flowing out. Hmm...the store owner must be driving a Beemer and living in a service apartment next to KLCC with all the money she's making. Dang! She sure knows how to make a fool out of the crazy fans. The celebrities have a right to claim royalties from her.
We even deposited 25 bucks each for the Suju 3rd album ver. C which I must say, I'm happy to get it but at RM75, it's a bit pricey. Okay la, it's imported and shipment is very expensive. However, this is the first original album I've ever gotten. Even with Backstreet Boys, my first love, I had never bought their original album before. I'm a practical, frugal person. This fandom thing is seriously getting back at me.
How did I get so crazy over this whole thing? It's not to that point yet, but if I let it get out of hand, celebrity worshipping is bound to come. I'm never going down that road. I'm not gonna be a crazy elf.