Thursday, January 14, 2010

The past will always catch up with you...

I had a pretty sad two years of secondary school life before I met Jesus. Contrary to popular belief, a person like me did have crushes. To those who think I am a nerd, I don't study everyday at home and I do a lot of things teenagers do., a few years back, I had this really huge crush that practically ruled my life. I was so obsessive, I did crazy, silly little things that shouldn't be revealed...EVER!

We take the same classes at night tuition classes. The first time I saw him, I thought I had that thing they call, love at first sight. At that time, I seriously saw light bestow upon him...and all that surreal stuff. I kept obsessing over it to the point that it's a form of worship. Yeaa..I have those really, really embarrassing diary entries on it too. Those 13 year old, immature ones. I still have them...and every time I look at them..I feel like burning them to ashes, then spread the ashes in the South China Sea. What keeps me back is that I want to remember how I changed from that person to this person now.

When I came to know Christ, I eventually realized that this 'hobby' of mine is really unhealthy and wrong. So, either I get to know him or I take a hike. Being the person with low self-esteem that I was, I decided to forget everything. I cried and it was really not worth it. It's not even a relationship, come on! After that...I just concentrated on my studies and yeah, here I am! I think I learned a lot from that. I learned to love myself better and not blind myself to what's obvious around me.

Through some connections, I recently found his Facebook account and I checked it out. It's been years since I last saw him. He changed a lot and I kept asking myself why did I ever like him anyway? He's not even that good-looking or nice. Wow...that light back then must've been really bright. It's all I can do to not slap myself on the face right now for being so stupid. Here's a tip, slap yourself right now on the face so you can spare regret later on when you feel like you've done something stupid, but you can't turn back time. Sigh...Taeyang's Wedding Dress so suit my mood right now. Unrequited love...haha!

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