Saturday, September 26, 2009

I did it

Yesterday, I didn't visit my grandma. I was at the zoo whole day, letting out all my worries by laughing. I was probably at my craziest yesterday for a some time. My friends most likely thought I was okay. Maybe I was okay. That whole day, I just put aside my problems and focused on working with the animals. When I came back, my maid told me grandma's condition has worsen. The doctor's giving her 3-4 days more to live. I didn't know what to say. I just told my mum we're going to visit her tomorrow. In my mind, I just told myself it's time to just tell her the truth before it's too late. I slept like a log...resting without a care in the world.

This morning, I told God that I'll fast and pray show my faith. I wanted to fast before but it was hard without letting anyone know. Went on a Milo and water only diet whole day until dinner time. After that, I went for the Peer Mentoring Training Program. Couldn't find a parking spot and all...too much frustration for a Saturday morning. I just kept telling myself that I should be good to others, then maybe grandma would feel better.

I came back and slept some more. Woke up and went to the hospital alone. Maybe it was God's was time for the real thing. After rehearsing the gospel in Cantonese last night, I told it to my grandma. She couldn't speak, you see. So, every time I told her something, she just groaned or frowned. I kept repeating to her that "You must believe that Jesus is God!!" She tried talking but I don't understand. I told her that I may not understand what she's saying, but God does. I didn't know what more to I just repeated John 3:16 in Cantonese and read the Bible to her in English. Suddenly, I remembered about how the disciples spoke in tongues which only God knows how to interpret but surprisingly, each person in the crowd around them heard their own language being spoken. So, I just spoke in tongues, hoping she can understand and God too, can speak to her.

Going through this, I sometimes wished that the whole world would just stop. Because she's in pain, I feel as if I shouldn't be happy. I feel like everyone should just stop and look around them. I know it's wrong for me to hope for that. Just grab every chance you have, you don't know when's the last chance you'll ever get. Like what a someone great once said, "Don't put off till tomorrow what you can do today."

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