Sunday, March 30, 2008


This would be the first time ever I'm writing bout my grandpa. Well...he just recently passed away, if you don't already know. It wasn't sad or anything. I wasn't that close to my grandpa. But we're definitely closer than I am with my maternal grandpa who also passed away last year at the age of 95...Amazing! Anyway, back to the subject; which is the death of my paternal grandpa.
Although we weren't really close, he's still my grandpa and I loved him. He was close to us(me and my siblings) when we were still in primary school. We used to do things together...swimming especially. And he'd used to love bringing us to Chinatown during the Chinese New Year. He'd buy loads of toys and stuff for us. Overall, he's a pretty cool grandpa. If only he'd show up more often.
He died of cancer of the pancreas. It was expected he would gobble down any food that's edible. He didn't really care much bout his diet...until it was too late. At the beginning, it was diabetis, high blood pressure and all of that. Then it got worse...he suffered from constant stroke and that took away his ability to walk or see properly. He retired in Ipoh and stayed there for 2 years but his condition got worser by the day and finally he was bed-ridden. We had to send him to a retiring home near us so that we could see him everyday till, you know, the day finally comes. And let's just say that we didn't have to wait too long. He was very ill after just 2 days in the new retiring home. We had to call an ambulance to admit him into hospital.
The only time I did really cry for him when he was alive was when he said, "Oh..I remember the days when we would all go swimming together. You, me, your brother and sister. When I get better, we should all go swimming together again!" It was just so sad that my eyes are wet when I'm wrting this right now. His skin was all yellow and there were loads of tubes attached to his body. I just want him to feel better and painless. At that moment, I said a prayer that he would be saved. That he could have salvation. But he didn't....
I kinda blame myself for that. If only I could've prayed harder and earlier, he could've been saved now. I would know that he's safe and that he don't have to die twice. It was at the moment when my uncle called home to tell us that grandpa was admitted into ICU that I know it was too late.
He was in comma when we arrived to see him. He looked like a rag doll...with tubes attached to his whole body. He couldn't breathe on his own. So, there were tubes that pump air into and out of his lungs. His whole body like, jumps up when air is pumped in. It was like, he wasn't even there anymore. Like it was just a souless body lying there and it was all useless trying to save him. I almost cried twice in that quiet, air-conditioned room. His skin turned from yellow to dark brown, almost black in just one night.

I was there when he took his last breath. And it was soon after that, the graph on the machine gradually becomes a flat, straight line. Not a single tear fall from my eyes. I guess I just didn't take it in yet. Until now, I still feel that he's right beside me...still alive. Not that I'm in denial or anything. But I just kinda miss him, that's all. The ceremony was the next day. It was in Nirvana and the venue was pretty clean and nice. Many relatives and friends showed up that day and it was kinda cool that we had a family-bonding time. None of us felt really sad bout this coz most of us thought it was the only solution to his suffering. And it was time for him to go.

This may be the longest post I've ever written bout someone of my family. And I still have a lot to say bout my grandpa...

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