Repentance

I had a weird dream last night. It was really long and had a lot of stuff in it but like all dreams, I forgot most of it. However, what stuck in my mind until now and possibly for the rest of my life was a short scene where Wan and Sin Yi were telling me something. Yes, Wan as in Ridzwan and Sin Yi as in Tan Sin Yi. It was really weird and shocking but it was also very true.

The dream went like this;

Wan and Sin Yi were sitiing at a desk facing each other in class. I joined in by sitting beside Sin Yi and tried to start a conversation. Then, they stopped talking altogether and just sat there, looking uncomfortable. I asked them what was the matter and why are they evading me. Then the truth slapped my face like a car ran over me. Wan told me that it's not good to talk behind people's back and gossiping. He said it like he was advising me and not accusing me or anything. Although they didn't say that they were afraid I would talk bad about them, I could sense it by the way they acted. Sin Yi was just aggreeing with what Wan said all the time. I didn't say anything or comment but I felt shocked and ashamed. The weird part was that I wan't really all that close with Wan and hearing him saying something like this does not happen in reality.

When I woke up, the whole scene kept repeating in my head and I knew at once that God is trying to tell me to stop talking behind people's back and gossiping!! Ironic enough, just two days before, I went to SIB for Pastor Victor's talk and there were two words pasted on the wall, 'No Gossiping'. And this morning, during worship service, we were singing Still and I just couldn't take it anymore and cried out midway of singing. I just knew that He talked to me. The week before, when Pastor Serena did an alter-call for repentance, I went out. I wanted to repent but I knew that I hadn't surrendered to God fully. I guess that's why God talked to me through this dream.

If you don't already know, just last month, I hurt a friend which is Sin Yi (how ironic) by talking behind her back. I almost ruined our friendship but managed to fix it. Man, am I that blurr and ignorant? I mean, after the incident with Sin Yi, the alter-call, I stil don't listen to God and repent!! I have got to stop talking behind people's back and gossiping!! No matter how frequent, how bad it is. Even if I didn't start it, I have to stop!

p/s: to those who I hurt by gossiping, I am really sorry and I will repent simply because I want to and I have been asked by God to do so. If you see, hear or feel that I'm gossiping or talking behind someone's back, please, kindly tell me to stop right then and walk away from it! Thank you...