Rejection

So, Berea replied to me yesterday with this e-mail:

Dear Wai Siong:

The International Admissions Committee would like to thank you for the interest you have shown in Berea College. However, I am sorry to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission at this time. You are invited to apply again next year, but you will need to resubmit all of your materials and use the new International Application form, which will be available in June 2011.

International students are highly valued by Berea College, a learning, labor, and service community that has always sought to welcome all peoples of the earth. However, our mission to serve the Appalachian mountain region limits us to only 30 international students per year, despite the fact that we receive application materials from more than 1,000 students worldwide.

Please accept our best wishes as you continue to pursue your educational goals.

Sincerely,

Luke Hodson
Director of Admissions

PS: Regrettably, we are unable to return your application materials to you or forward them to another institution on your behalf.

Sigh...I placed a lot of hope into this college. I really thought I was going to get in because my SAT scores were up to their standards. Maybe it's because I'm a transfer student and my credits are harder to transfer? Or maybe I'm just not meant to go to the US? One thing's for sure; if #67 Berea doesn't accept me, why would Trinity College that's ranked #36 take me in? Even if the acceptance rate is higher in Trinity.

When I read the e-mail yesterday, I knew it wasn't gonna be good. Usually when it's good news, they'd name the mail something along the lines of; "Berea welcomes you!" or "Congratulations!" but noooo~ the subject for my mail was; "Regarding your application for admission" I didn't know they'd reply me that fast...the website said they'd send out letters in April. Maybe I'm just that much out of their radar that they rejected me first? I felt numb..I can't even bring myself to read the whole letter (even until now), I just picked up words like, "sorry" and "unable to offer".

I wanted to cry and ask God why couldn't I get in!? Is it because I didn't pray hard enough? But the reason why I didn't pray hard enough was that I didn't know where God planned for me to go. If I could've gotten in when I prayed hard enough, I would hate myself so much right now. My heart hurts so bad...Berea would've been an answer to my parents' financial problems. I could get a cheap college with the expense of the academic standards, but I don't want that! I think I deserve to get a good education. Berea just sits right in the middle of the academic-finance scale. It was perfect.

But life just sucks sometimes, huh? With that door closed, I'm just hoping that the other two doors will open. If this fourth door named Singapore Scholarship (which is way harder to get into) opens, I'd just go along with it. It's not my dream, but who cares about my dreams? My priority right now should be what God has planned for me to do. I only hope that he'd make it clearer to me what his plans are so I won't place my hopes in the wrong places. Read: If Stanford University is not where I'm meant to be, please tell me so. I don't want to feel this bad anymore. There's no way I'd get into Stanford for my undergraduate studies, I'm hoping I'd get in for my postgrad. I kept thinking however, "If the world ends before I get into my Masters, I'd never set foot on Stanford grounds." ARGH!! Why did I ever make Albert Bandura my mentor? ('Cause he's the awesome-st theorist still alive today?)